Saturday, July 28, 2007

Why's My Book Great? Lemme List the Ways

No time for pleasantries, this is gonna be a long entry. Here we go. One of the things that my book will feature is a section entitled Entries Listed by Episode. Essentially, you can turn to this section, look up an episode, say, The Junior Mint, and see every entry from that specific show, rather than flip through the entire book. Allow me to demonstrate. But in doing so, I will also compare my book with the 1993 Entertainment Weekly book: The Seinfeld Companion. My long term readers will remember when I compared entries of my book with the same entries from the EW book. And you will also remember that I never mean to knock that book, I like it, I own two copies. I just like showing how much better my book will be. I mean, that EW book doesn't even have a listed by episode section. I gotta go through and find each one myself. Hope you appreciate all of this. Up first, the EW book's entries from the classic episode The Chinese Restaurant.

  • Bermuda Triangle
  • Cartwright
  • Cookies
  • Mahatma Gandhi
  • Impending Intestinal Requirement
  • Plan 9 From Outer Space
  • We're Living in a Society!
That's it! And now, my list:
  • 5, 10 Minutes
  • $20
  • $50
  • Bathroom
  • Batman
  • Bermuda Triangle
  • Bribe
  • Bruce
  • Cab
  • Cartwright
  • Lorraine Catalano
  • Chinese Food
  • Mr. Cohen
  • Cookies
  • Cops
  • Dennison
  • Fast
  • Mahatma Gandhi
  • Garbagemen
  • Hot Dogs
  • Hunan 5th Ave
  • Kekich
  • Lashbrook
  • Menu
  • Money
  • Phone
  • Plan 9 from Outer Space
  • Popcorn
  • Restaurant
  • Skyburger
  • Table
  • Tatiana
  • We’re Living in a Society
  • Whole Sea Bass Dinner
Now some of you more diligent readers may be shouting, "Hey, the EW book listed 'Impeding Intestinal Requirement' and you didn't. What gives?" While this is true, this bit of dialogue from George is indeed included but under the entry for Bathroom. So there we have it. But you folks don't visit this site just for lists. How bout a sneak peek! Well, I mentioned Junior Mints earlier, so here you go.

Junior Mints Kramer is invited to watch Roy Cordic’s splenectomy surgery from a viewing gallery and convinces Jerry to join him; while watching, Kramer takes out a box of candy and eats a few; noticing this, Jerry asks, “What are you eating?” and Kramer explains, “Junior Mints. You want one?” Jerry says no; Kramer then eats a few more and Jerry inquires, “Where’d you get those?” Kramer tells him, “The machine. You want one?” Again, Jerry says no, but Kramer says, “Here. Take one.” Jerry asserts, “I don’t want one,” and Kramer states, “No, they’re good. Take one.” Jerry replies, “I don’t want any,” and Kramer insists, “Just take one.” Annoyed, Jerry exclaims, “No. Stop. Kramer, stop it.” He shoves Kramer’s hand out of his face which causes the Junior Mint to fly up into the air and fall into the operating area; all the doctors look around to see what just happened; Jerry and Kramer quickly look around as well to see if anyone noticed; Jerry silently asks, “Did it go in?” and Kramer says, with a gulp, “Yes.” Later, Jerry tells the story to George, explaining, “Over the balcony, bounced off some respirator thing, into the patient!” George asks, “What do you mean, ‘into the patient’?” Jerry exclaims, “Into the patient, literally!” George inquires, “Into the hole?” and Jerry confirms, “Yes! The hole!” George wonders, “Didn’t they notice it?” and Jerry says no; George says, “How could they not notice it?” and Jerry quips, “Because it’s a little mint. It’s a Junior Mint.” George then asks, “Well, what did they do?” and Jerry replies, “They sealed him up with the mint inside.” George questions, “They left the Junior Mint in him? …Well, I guess it can’t hurt him. People eat pounds of those things.” Jerry stipulates, “Yes, they eat them. They don’t put them next to vital organs in their abdominal cavity!” Kramer then enters and Jerry tells him, “Why’d you force that mint on me? I told you I didn’t want the mint!” Kramer explains, “What? I didn’t believe you,” and Jerry asks, “How could you not believe me?” Kramer states, “Well, who’s gonna turn down a Junior Mint? It’s chocolate, it’s peppermint. It’s delicious.” Jerry comments, “That’s true.” Kramer adds, “It’s very refreshing.” Elaine then returns from the hospital and reports, “He’s not doing well. The doctors don’t know what it is. They’re baffled.” Kramer and Jerry turn to each other and state at the same time, “Oh, my God.” When Elaine leaves the room, Jerry frantically tells Kramer, “What are we gonna do? We gotta confess?” Kramer tells him, “We could be tried for murder,” and Jerry replies, “I can’t have this on my conscience.” Kramer states, “You’re not gonna say anything, you got that?” and Jerry says, “I’m telling and you can’t stop me.” Kramer exclaims, “No, you’re not!” Later, Jerry’s girlfriend comes over and he tries to figure out her name by looking in her purse; when she catches him, he explains he was just looking for some gum or a mint; when she tells him, “Oh, I have Junior Mints,” a startled Jerry throws the purse to her, shouting, “No!” Eventually, the guilt gets to Jerry and he decides to call the hospital to explain what happened; but when he does, he is told that Roy is gonna be okay; the gang visits Roy and soon Dr. Siegel comes in and says, “I have no medical evidence to back me up, but something happened during the operation that staved off that infection. Something beyond science. Something perhaps…from above.” Kramer then pulls out a box of Junior Mints from his pocket and offers, “Mint?” Dr. Siegel accepts, saying, “Those can be very refreshing.” (58)

Finally, we have reached the end. But before I go, let me remind everyone to click the link on the right and get your name in the book. But more important, if and when I self publish, I will only be telling the people who have signed up where to find the book. So get a'clickin'. Later!


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