Thursday, April 12, 2007

I Was So Dizzy, I Was Seeing Red Dots Everywhere

Hello everyone, thanks for stopping by for yet another week. We here at The Seinfeld Encyclopedia Blog really do appreciate your visits. However, this blog might be coming to an end. Earlier this week I was denied the use of the rights to Seinfeld. I have taken the necessary steps to overcome this, but it's going to be difficult. While there is a glimmer of hope, it is very faint. I shall keep you all updated to the progress, but if my book idea is finished, so too is this blog. I apologize for leading with such a depressing statement, but you come to this site not to be lied to, but to be given the straight dope. Well, actually you come here to see samples from my book, so let's get to it. In honor of the Red Sox, (continuing with the baseball theme), here are some red entries:

Color of Newman’s car (42)

Red Chinese Prison After Jerry gets caught urinating by the parking garage security guard, he tries to get out of it by saying that it’s his parents 47th anniversary and they made plans to spend the evening together; he adds, “What I haven’t told you, or anyone else, for that matter, is that my father’s been in a Red Chinese prison for the past 14 years.” (23)

Red Dot While shopping for a gift for Elaine, George is shown a cashmere sweater that is marked down from 600 dollars to 85; when he asks a saleswoman why it’s been marked down, she shows him a minuscule red dot; Jerry thinks it’s damaged, but George thinks it’ll be alright; he asks Jerry if Elaine would care about the dot and he replies, “It’s hard to say.” George says, “I don’t even think she’d noticed it. Can you see it?” Jerry tells him, “Well, I can see it,” and George responds, “Yeah, but you know where it is.” Jerry then asks, “Well, what do you want me to do? Not look at it?” George tells him to pretend he doesn’t know it’s there and Jerry replies, “It’s hard for me to pretend because I know where it is.” George exclaims, “Well, just you take an overview. Can’t you take an overview?” Jerry responds, “You want me to take an overview? I see a cheap man holding a sweater trying to get away with something. That’s my overview.” George gives her the sweater, which she loves, but Kramer, from across the room, notices the red dot; she soon becomes suspicious, and asks Jerry, “Did George buy that sweater knowing the red dot was on it because it was cheaper?” He hesitates, and she knows right away; when George arrives at the apartment, Jerry warns him, “She’s wise to the whole red dot thing. She’s asking me all kinds of questions about it.” He asks if Jerry said anything, and Jerry assures him no; but Elaine eventually tricks him into admitting it and George tells her, “I had a 103 temperature when I bought that sweater. I was so dizzy, I was seeing red dots everywhere. I thought everything in the store had a red dot on it. I couldn’t distinguish one red dot from the other.” George takes the sweater and gives it to Evie, the cleaning woman at Pendant Publishing that he had sex with on his desk; she was threatening to tell Mr. Lippman, but agrees not to say anything once she receives the sweater; she tries it on and immediately notices the red dot; Evie then tells Lippman and George is fired (29)

Red Lights While riding in the back of a Los Angeles police car, Jerry asks the two cops, “You guys gonna be going through some red lights?” One of the cops says, “I don’t think so,” and Jerry asks, “But you could.” The same cop says, “Oh, yeah. Of course we could. We could do anything we want.” The other cop chimes in, “We can drive on the wrong side of the road,” and the first cop adds, “We do that all the time. You should see the looks on the people’s faces.” (41)

Red Shirt Article of clothing George wore three years ago when he went to see his date Leslie’s performance piece in Brooklyn; during the show, which involved Leslie cooking onstage for God, she threw a can of chocolate sauce all over the shirt; Jerry asks what happened to the shirt and George responds, “I still have it. The collar’s okay. I wear it under sweaters.” George wears this when he picks up Jerry after his plane has to make an emergency landing, and he really wants to go back to Jerry’s apartment where Leslie is having her baby shower; Jerry asks, “What are you gonna do, badger a pregnant woman at her own baby shower?! What are you gonna take it off and make her rinse it in club soda?” George tells him, “No, I’m gonna hold it under her nose so she can smell the scent of stale Bosco that I had to live with for three years and I’m gonna say, ‘Remember this shirt, baby? Well, now, it’s payback time!’” Despite this, George grovels before Leslie, and when she is pushed by a woman, Leslie smashes her cake into George’s shirt (15)

And so we close the book on yet another week. By all means, keep following the link on the right and sign up to get your name in the book. This still could happen, just gotta keep trying. At the very least, I can always self-publish and I will notify those who have signed up where to get it.


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