Monday, April 30, 2007

The No-Smell, No-Tell Scotch

First off, let me apologize for the long absence. But for those of you who are frequent readers it should come as no surprise why I haven't been posting. After being denied the use of the rights to Seinfeld, I haven't felt much like blogging. But that's not fair to you, so I will try my best to continue, but it certainly won't be once a week anymore. Hey, them's the breaks. So now I present to you everyone's favorite fictional alcohol.

Hennigan’s Brand of Scotch Jerry’s uncle gave him a bottle of two years ago, Jerry quips, “I’ve been using it as a paint thinner.” Jerry gives Kramer a glass of it to test whether or not he smells after one drink; Elaine suspects the guy she’s seeing of drinking, but he doesn’t smell; Jerry and Elaine smell Kramer after he drinks, but don’t smell anything; Kramer comments, after another swig, “That is damn good Scotch. I could do a commercial for this stuff. ‘Mmm, boy, that Hennigan goes down smooth. And afterwards, you don’t even smell. That’s right, folks. I just had three shots of Hennigan’s, and I don’t smell. Imagine, you can walk around drunk all day. That’s Hennigan’s, the no-smell, no-tell Scotch…Say you got a big job interview and you’re a little nervous. Well, throw back a couple shots of Hennigan’s and you’ll be as loose as a goose and ready to roll in no time. And because it’s odorless, why, it’ll be our little secret. H-E-double N-I…” Jerry cuts off Kramer before he finished the jingle; Jerry soon takes a shot of Hennigan’s, when Elaine asks him if he sees the red dot on her cashmere sweater; George bought the sweater because it was considerably marked down due to the dot, and Jerry knows this; the next day, George tells Jerry he had sex with a cleaning woman on his desk at Pendant Publishing due to Hennigan’s; when Jerry asks how it was, George replies, “The sex was okay, but I threw up from the Hennigan’s.” Jerry quips, “Good thing the cleaning lady was there.” (29)

  • When Jerry learns that Keith Hernandez made a date with Elaine for the same night Jerry had made plans with him, he gets upset, saying Elaine’s not even a fan, nor did she watch game six; she quickly gets defensive and asks, “You jealous of him or you jealous of me?” Jerry pauses for a moment and then says, “Any Hennigan’s around here?” (34)
  • Before coming up with a cockamamie story about how she and George damaged his car, Elaine asks Jerry if he has any Hennigan’s; she pours herself a large amount, but when Jerry isn’t looking, she throws it in the sink and pretends to have drank it all (38)
So there ya go, hopefully that will tide you over. Now the sign up link is still on the right, but it looks like it won't be to get your name in the book. But if I do plan to self publish I will alert everyone who has signed up that the book is out and available for purchase. Once again, thanks to everyone who has made this blog such a success.


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