The No-Smell, No-Tell Scotch
First off, let me apologize for the long absence. But for those of you who are frequent readers it should come as no surprise why I haven't been posting. After being denied the use of the rights to Seinfeld, I haven't felt much like blogging. But that's not fair to you, so I will try my best to continue, but it certainly won't be once a week anymore. Hey, them's the breaks. So now I present to you everyone's favorite fictional alcohol.
Hennigan’s Brand of Scotch Jerry’s uncle gave him a bottle of two years ago, Jerry quips, “I’ve been using it as a paint thinner.” Jerry gives Kramer a glass of it to test whether or not he smells after one drink; Elaine suspects the guy she’s seeing of drinking, but he doesn’t smell; Jerry and Elaine smell Kramer after he drinks, but don’t smell anything; Kramer comments, after another swig, “That is damn good Scotch. I could do a commercial for this stuff. ‘Mmm, boy, that Hennigan goes down smooth. And afterwards, you don’t even smell. That’s right, folks. I just had three shots of Hennigan’s, and I don’t smell. Imagine, you can walk around drunk all day. That’s Hennigan’s, the no-smell, no-tell Scotch…Say you got a big job interview and you’re a little nervous. Well, throw back a couple shots of Hennigan’s and you’ll be as loose as a goose and ready to roll in no time. And because it’s odorless, why, it’ll be our little secret. H-E-double N-I…” Jerry cuts off Kramer before he finished the jingle; Jerry soon takes a shot of Hennigan’s, when Elaine asks him if he sees the red dot on her cashmere sweater; George bought the sweater because it was considerably marked down due to the dot, and Jerry knows this; the next day, George tells Jerry he had sex with a cleaning woman on his desk at Pendant Publishing due to Hennigan’s; when Jerry asks how it was, George replies, “The sex was okay, but I threw up from the Hennigan’s.” Jerry quips, “Good thing the cleaning lady was there.” (29)
- When Jerry learns that Keith Hernandez made a date with Elaine for the same night Jerry had made plans with him, he gets upset, saying Elaine’s not even a fan, nor did she watch game six; she quickly gets defensive and asks, “You jealous of him or you jealous of me?” Jerry pauses for a moment and then says, “Any Hennigan’s around here?” (34)
- Before coming up with a cockamamie story about how she and George damaged his car, Elaine asks Jerry if he has any Hennigan’s; she pours herself a large amount, but when Jerry isn’t looking, she throws it in the sink and pretends to have drank it all (38)
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