Monday, February 26, 2007

You Know How Much Ted Danson Makes?

Here we go again, another exciting glimpse into The Seinfeld Encyclopedia. Are you as excited as I am? Now you may or may not be aware that Seinfeld started out on Wednesday nights. It did okay, but not great. Then one day, Ted Danson, Sam Malone of Cheers, called the president of NBC and said he didn't want to do his show anymore. So the president decided to groom Seinfeld to take over the coveted Cheers Thursday night, 9 pm slot, and did so by moving Seinfeld to right after Cheers at 9:30. The ratings started to go up and the rest is history. So in honor of that, here is today's entry.

Ted Danson Former star of the NBC sitcom Cheers that George mentions after NBC calls and wants another meeting with him and Jerry; George wonders how much they will get, guessing 50,000 dollars and then asks Jerry, “You know how much Ted Danson makes?” Jerry replies, “Ted Danson. Now, how are you comparing us to Ted Danson?” George explains, “I didn’t say we’re Ted Danson,” and Jerry says, “You did. You said we’re Ted Danson. You know, I think he wears a piece.” George replies, “Yeah, don’t worry. He can afford it.” When NBC eventually offers Jerry and George $13,000 for both of them, George yells, “That’s insulting! Ted Danson makes $800,000 an episode.” Jerry asks, “Oh, would you stop with the Ted Danson,” and George replies, “Well, he does…I can’t live knowing that Ted Danson makes that much more than me.” George asks, “Who’s he?” and Jerry replies, “He’s somebody.” George asks, “What about me?” and Jerry replies, “You’re nobody.” George asks, “Why him and not me?” and Jerry replies, “He’s good. You’re not.” George says, “I’m better than him,” and Jerry replies, “You’re worse. Much, much worse.” (42)

  • While out with Susan, George passes on the $13,000 deal, explaining that it’s much too low; Susan tells him, “You know, that because this is your first show, it’s a pretty standard deal,” and George replies, “Standard? Is Ted Danson’s deal standard?” Susan laughs and tells George, “You’re not Ted Danson.” (43)
  • When Helen Seinfeld learns that George turned down the deal from NBC, she asks Jerry why and he responds, “Because of Ted Danson.” She asks, “What does Ted Danson have to do with it?” and Morty suggests, “Maybe he doesn’t like Ted Danson.” (44)
And with that, we come to the end of yet another week. Once again, allow me to express my sincere gratitude for everyone who has made this blog such a success and a delight for me to work on. Also, if for some wacky reason you don't know that you can get your name in this book, well listen up! There's a link on the right side, you click, enter your name and that's all. Instant name in the book. I guarantee it's the best thing you'll do all day. Unless you're a heart surgeon, in which case you shouldn't be reading this, go save some lives. Until next time, kids.

Saturday, February 17, 2007

He’s Hooked on Pez

How is everybody doing? Don't know where you are visiting from but here it is cold as hell. The kind of cold that makes you want to stay inside and read Seinfeld themed blogs. So grab some hot chocolate, the downiest blanket you have and enjoy this week's installment.

Pez Dispenser Candy toy that Kramer buys five of at a flea market; when he pulls it out to get some Pez, Jerry gleefully asks, “Is that a Pez dispenser?” Kramer gives him the Tweety Bird dispenser and Jerry is delighted; Jerry takes it with him when he and Elaine attend the recital of George’s classical pianist girlfriend, Noel; after taking a Pez, he places the dispenser on Elaine’s lap which cause her to burst into laughter; she tries to control it, but cannot, and leaves, laughing all the way; Jerry then stands the dispenser in Elaine’s empty seat; backstage after the show, George asks Jerry why he did it and Jerry replies, “I don’t know. It was an impulse.” George then asks, “What kind of a sick impulse is that?” Soon, Jerry takes out a new pack of candy and states, “These things are really hard to load.” Meanwhile, Jerry agrees to host an intervention for Richie Appel and the day after, he tells George it was ugly at first, but suddenly Richie spotted the Pez dispenser on the coffee table; “He picks it up, he’s staring at it. It’s like he’s hypnotized by it. Then he’s telling us this story about how when he was a kid, he was in the car with his father and his father was trying to load one of them.” George says, “Well, they’re hard to load,” and Jerry replies, “Tell me something I don’t know. So as the father’s trying to load it, he loses control of the car, crashes into a high school cafeteria…Nobody’s hurt, but Pez was all over the car. And the dispenser was destroyed virtually beyond recognition…So as he’s telling the story, he starts crying.” George asks what he did and Jerry responds, “What do you think? I gave him my Pez dispenser…Two hours later, he checks into Smither’s Clinic. Talked to the doctor yesterday. He’s doing great on the rehab, he’s hooked on Pez. He’s eating them like there’s no tomorrow.” (31)

As always, be sure to follow the link on the right and get your name in the book. Forbes Magazine has just listed "getting your name in The Seinfeld Encyclopedia" as the 11,275th coolest thing to do on the internet. 11,274th? Going to Go figure.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Oh, I Thought it Was Like an Igloo

My goodness, if a blog isn't legitimate after 1,500 visits, then something is wrong. You guys have really turned this site into something great. It has been a pleasure to come on here week after week and share with you my passion and my book. And to hear from you guys on the sign up is great. You are who I am writing this book for. The true fans, the devoted fans of Seinfeld. The fans that know the real name of the bubble boy. And with that clever segue, here's today's entry.

Donald Sanger
Name of the bubble boy; Donald’s father Mel spots Jerry having lunch with Elaine at Monk’s and introduces himself; he then explains about his son, “I saw you on The Tonight Show a couple of weeks ago. I was watching the show with my son Donald. He’s got this rare immune deficiency in his blood. The damnedest thing. Doctors say he has to live in a plastic bubble. Can you imagine that? A bubble.” Jerry asks, “A bubble?” and Elaine repeats, “A bubble?” Mel explains, “Yes, a bubble…It’d break your heart seeing him in there. He’s like a prisoner. No friends. Just his mother and me. And I’m out there six days a week hauling Yoo-Hoo. We have sacrificed everything, all for the sake of our little…bubble boy.” Mel starts to tear up, as does Elaine; she hands a napkin to Mel, and one to Jerry, but he uses it to wipe his mouth; Mel continues, “Anyway, we were watching you on TV…” but Jerry interrupts, “You get in the bubble with him?” Mel explains, “No. He can see through the bubble, it’s plastic,” and Jerry says, “Oh, I thought it was like an igloo.” Mel states, “No, it’s clear.” After discussing who has the remote, Mel says, “So anyway, you’re his favorite comedian. He laughed so hard the other night we had to give him an extra shot of hemoglobin…Tomorrow is his birthday. And it would mean so much to him if you could find it in your heart to pay him a visit and just say hello.” Jerry is hesitant because he has plans to go away for the weekend, but Elaine says he would be happy to do it; Jerry says okay and asks, “Where do you live? Uptown? Up Westside?” Mel replies, “No. Upstate.” Jerry is depressed that he’ll have to miss out on the cabin weekend until Susan sees the address and explains that’s right on the way; all Jerry has to do is follow George and Susan there, say hello for 20 minutes and that’s it; en route to the house, George drives too fast and he loses Jerry; he and Susan arrive and then have to sit around with the Sangers; George asks, “Can you go in the bubble?” and Mrs. Sanger replies, “Well, you have to put so many things on because of the germs.” Mel adds, “The gloves, the mask, it’s a whole production.” George and Susan eventually do meet Donald and he is rather rude, even asking Susan to take her top off; Mrs. Sanger suggests they play Trivial Pursuit, but George says they have to be running; Donald tells George, “I’m gonna kick your ass,” and he agrees to play; however, when Donald goes for the win and answers “The Moors” for the question “Who invaded Spain in the 8th Century?” George tells him he’s wrong, since the card says “The Moops.” Then they get into a fight over who is right, and Donald starts to strangle George, yelling, “There’s no Moops, you idiot!” Susan tries to help George, prying Donald’s arms off his neck and pounding on the plastic divider; Donald continues to yell, “I’m gonna kill him! Say Moors!” George is just able to squeak out “Moops,” and Susan continues to slam on the plastic; that is, until a loud hissing sound is heard and Donald’s arms start going limp; word spreads to the diner down the road where Jerry and Elaine ended up that the bubble boy is being rushed to the hospital; they arrive and see George who says the bubble boy tried to kill him; Donald is then wheeled out on a stretcher and Jerry wishes him a happy birthday; Donald says, “Thanks for showing up. You know, your friend here tried to kill me.” George snaps back, “He’s a lying little snot. And he’s a cheater, aren’t you, you little twerp!” The two continue to go back and forth over the Moops/Moors issue, but then an angry mob shows up and chases Jerry, Elaine, Susan and George out of town (45)

And with that, we close yet another week here at The Seinfeld Encyclopedia Blog. For those of you just joining us, here's the scoop: you can get your name in my book, just click the link on the right and fill in the info. This is the hottest new trend, my friends, so jump on the band wagon now. Plenty of room for you on the ground floor. Until next time.