Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Introducing the Book Again, For the First Time

So here we are again folks. Back for yet another week of merriment, knowledge and a free look at my book. Going into the red for you folks. Or the black. Or whatever the bad one is. Nevertheless, I realized the other day that I haven't really explained what this book is since the very first post. Sure you, my devote readers, know all about it, but there are new people coming on here every day who may not know what I got cooking. Well, lemme break it down for you newbies.

The Seinfeld Encyclopedia will be the only complete collection of Seinfeld facts, names, and places. The book is organized into three major sections. The first is an A-Z guide of every piece of information that was ever mentioned throughout the shows run. Each entry includes a description of the fact and usually contains a hilarious quote from the show about the item. The encyclopedia section is followed by lists of entries by episode. The reader can go to this section, look up the episode “The Junior Mint,” and see what entries are from that episode. The third section is a complete episode guide to all 169 episodes of Seinfeld. Each entry will include original airdate, the writer and director, guest stars, and a short synopsis of the episode.

That about sums it up I think. So on to the reason you came: the free look!! For this entry, I didn't really know what to showcase, so I though I would just be a tad silly.

Wife of Jerry’s cousin, Artie Levine; she tells Jerry that he if wants to get some funny material, he ought to come down to where she works, “Now there’s a sitcom!” (2)

Waitress at Monk’s that overhears George and Jerry talking about the great apartment on West 83rd Street; she and her husband, Larry, take it and love it (3)

  • While out to eat at Monk’s with his annoying friend, Joel Horneck, Jerry watches as Joel berates Carol since she doesn’t know if the turkey in the turkey sandwich is real or processed (4)

Carol One time girlfriend of George, she invites him up for coffee after their date; George declines saying, “Oh, no, thanks. I can’t drink coffee late at night. It keeps me up.” He later realizes she may have meant coffee as sex, and calls her and leaves a message; she doesn’t call back, and he leaves three more messages, each escalating in anger; when she tells him she’s been in the Hamptons, George gets Jerry to help him switch out her answering machine tape for a blank one; after successfully doing so, Carol tells him that her neighbor played them all for her over the phone, and she thought they were hilarious (9)

Carol Wife of Michael, a guy who used to live in Jerry’s building; they had a baby and they keep asking when Jerry and Kramer are going to come over and see it (34)

Carol Name Kramer calls Elaine after getting hit in the head with a baseball (37)

Carol George tries to impress a woman he meets at the Improv comedy club by saying he’s writing a comedy pilot for NBC, but she asks, “A sitcom? How can you write that crap?” She then shouts to her friend, “Carol. This guy’s writing a sitcom.” They both start laughing hysterically and walk out, as the woman says, “A sitcom? Can you imagine? And he actually tried to use it to hit on me.” (48)

Six Carols and counting. Quite excited to see how many I end up with. Hoping for double digits. Well, that does it for me. But before you go, make sure to click the link on the right and get your name in the book. Again, for you newbs, this is sorta my gift to you for visiting and supporting the site. You click the link, fill in your name, click submit. When this book is published, be sure to buy it and see your name! Best money you'll ever spend.

Sunday, March 18, 2007

If I Can't Be a Banker, I Don't Wanna Live

Happy day after St. Patrick's Day everybody! Hope you all had a nice holiday. If you're not Irish or don't like to pretend to be, then I hope you had a nice Saturday. For today's entry, I thought I would do something a little different. Now, if everything goes to plan, my book should end up as the be all, end all guide to Seinfeld. But I must acknowledge those that have come before me, to wit, The Entertainment Weekly Seinfeld Companion. This was a guide written in 1993 that covered the show's first four seasons. It was written by Bruce Fretts, who is now the editor in chief of TV Guide. I spoke with Mr. Fretts on the phone some months ago, not a bad guy. He said he was given the assignment and basically had to do a rush job on it. This is what I think led to an incomplete and sometimes incorrect guide.

So on to the fun. For a few entries, I will do a side by side comparison, first the EW version, then mine. The goal is to show just how complete my book will be. Here we go.

The Banker Story Alibi Kramer uses to try to help Newman overturn a speeding ticket; i.e., Newman was racing to save Kramer, who was going to commit suicide because he had never become a banker (42)

After Newman gets a speeding ticket, he tries to get out of it by saying he was rushing home to stop a friend from committing suicide; Newman gets Kramer to be that friend, “All we need is a reason why you were gonna commit suicide.” Kramer first suggests that it’s because he never had an air conditioner, but Newman shoots that down; Kramer then suggests, “I was never able to become a banker.” Newman perks up, “Banker! So you’re killing yourself because your dreams of becoming a banker have gone unfulfilled. You can’t live without being a banker.” Kramer adds, “Yeah, yeah. If I can’t be a banker, I don’t wanna live.” Newman continues, “You must be a banker!” and Kramer repeats, “Must be a banker!” They decide to go with the banker story; when Newman gives his testimony regarding the suicide, the judge doesn’t understand and Newman explains, “You see, it had been his lifelong dream to be a banker, and he, just the day before, he was turned down by another bank. I believe it was the Manufacturers Hanover on Lexington and 40th Street. That was the third bank in two weeks to turn him down, so I was a little concerned.” Newman goes on to admit that he was indeed speeding, but doing so to save a man’s life. “An innocent person who wanted nothing more out of life than to love, to be loved, and to be a banker.” Kramer finally takes the stand and says that he was upset over not becoming a banker; Newman, who is now acting as a prosecutor, asks, “And this failure to become a banker was eating at you. Eating, eating, eating at you inside…It was your family that pushed you into banking. It was their dream for you.” Kramer explains, “Well, my father, when I was a kid, he took me to the bank and he lifted me up, and he pointed to the teller, and he said, ‘Sonny boy, take a good look at him. That’s gonna be you someday.’” Newman then asks why Kramer failed and gets right into his face; Kramer says he doesn’t know and Newman tells him, “Because you hated your father and you would do anything to displease him!” However, Kramer becomes forgetful, due to the kick in the head from Joe Davola, and cannot continue the lie; the jig is up and Newman is forced to pay the 75 dollars (42)

The Kramer Portrait of Kramer in his beloved jacket painted by an artist girlfriend of Jerry's and purchased by a pair of pretentious collectors. "His struggle is man's struggle...he's a loathsome, offensive brute, yet I can't look away." (37)

The Kramer
Title of the portrait Jerry’s girlfriend, Nina, does of Kramer; two art enthusiasts, Mr. and Mrs. Armstrong, marvel at the painting, and Mrs. Armstrong says, “I sense great vulnerability. A man-child crying out for love. An innocent orphan in the postmodern world.” However, Mr. Armstrong responds, “I see a parasite. A sexually depraved miscreant who is seeking only to gratify his basest and most immediate urges.” Mrs. Armstrong goes on to say, “His struggle is man’s struggle. He lifts my spirits.” Mr. Armstrong argues, “He is a loathsome, offensive brute. Yet I can’t look away.” Mrs. Armstrong says, “He transcends time and space,” while Mr. Armstrong says, “He sickens me.” Finally, Mrs. Armstrong says, “I love it,” and Mr. Armstrong replies, “Me too.” They eventually buy the painting for $5000 (37)

Pez Dispenser
Difficult-to-load cartoon candy holder that Jerry places on Elaine's leg during a classical piano recital, causing her to burst out laughing (31)

Pez Dispenser Candy toy that Kramer buys five of at a flea market; when he pulls it out to get some Pez, Jerry gleefully asks, “Is that a Pez dispenser?” Kramer gives him the Tweety Bird dispenser and Jerry is delighted; Jerry takes it with him when he and Elaine attend the recital of George’s classical pianist girlfriend, Noel; after taking a Pez, he places the dispenser on Elaine’s lap which cause her to burst into laughter; she tries to control it, but cannot, and leaves, laughing all the way; Jerry then stands the dispenser in Elaine’s empty seat; backstage after the show, George asks Jerry why he did it and Jerry replies, “I don’t know. It was an impulse.” George then asks, “What kind of a sick impulse is that?” Soon, Jerry takes out a new pack of candy and states, “These things are really hard to load.” Meanwhile, Jerry agrees to host an intervention for Richie Appel and the day after, he tells George it was ugly at first, but suddenly Richie spotted the Pez dispenser on the coffee table; “He picks it up, he’s staring at it. It’s like he’s hypnotized by it. Then he’s telling us this story about how when he was a kid, he was in the car with his father and his father was trying to load one of them.” George says, “Well, they’re hard to load,” and Jerry replies, “Tell me something I don’t know. So as the father’s trying to load it, he loses control of the car, crashes into a high school cafeteria…Nobody’s hurt, but Pez was all over the car. And the dispenser was destroyed virtually beyond recognition…So as he’s telling the story, he starts crying.” George asks what he did and Jerry responds, “What do you think? I gave him my Pez dispenser…Two hours later, he checks into Smither’s Clinic. Talked to the doctor yesterday. He’s doing great on the rehab, he’s hooked on Pez. He’s eating them like there’s no tomorrow.” (31)

Day and night, huh? Now this was not meant as a knock on Bruce Fretts, I mean, I own two of his books. This was merely a fun comparison that shows off my dedication to going above and beyond what may be necessary. Speaking of going, why not go and click the link on the right that gets your name in the book. That's right. You sign up, your name will appear in my book. You think Bruce Fretts would do this for you? Well, maybe, but let's say no anyway.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

I am Springing Ahead Right Now

Holy cow! Over 2,000 hits! That's amazing, folks. Sure, most sites get 2,000 hits a minute, but I'm not most sites. I'm just a little-known, up-and-comer and 2,000 is the big time. So thank you and now, on to 3,000.

This was a nice surprise to get after coming back from vacation. Yes, that's right, even we bloggers need a little R&R. But I am back and ready to give you yet another glimpse into my book. Now seeing as how today is the new Daylight Saving Time Day, (note: thanks Massachusetts congressman Ed Markey), I bet you are all expecting to read my entry for Daylight Saving Time. You know, how Kramer sets his pocket watch ahead early because he can't wait for the actual day, and then for the rest of the episode he's late and whatnot, very humorous. Sorry to disappoint, but I do not have that in the computer yet. It's in my notes, just haven't gotten to The Susie yet.

In lieu of that, seeing as how I was just on vacation, I thought I would showcase some of the street addresses the show has mentioned, perhaps one day, you might go there on a break. Without further ado:

1st Avenue
Where Elaine’s friend Roxanne lives; Elaine, Jerry and George are invited to a New York Marathon brunch there because Roxanne has a great view of the race (10)

42nd Street
Location of the branch of the New York Public Library where Jerry checked out Tropic of Cancer in 1971 and never returned; 20 years later, they tracked him down and he had to pay for it (22)
  • When breaking up with her wheelchair bound 66 year old boyfriend, Owen March, Elaine tells him, “I’m gonna be brutally honest with you now, Owen. It’s a bitch to get here. It’s two subways. I have to transfer at 42nd Street to take the double-R” Later, at Monk’s, she asks Jerry if someone can die from an odor and explains, “I was just down at the 42nd Street subway today. It is disgusting.” (28)
  • The gang rides the Utica Avenue subway train to 42nd Street and then each take their own train; at the 42nd Street Station, you can change to the D and the Double R, the 2, 3, 4, 5, 7, the C, E and F train (30)

46th Street Location of Pakistani restaurant Alton Benes takes Elaine, Jerry and George to (8)

48th Street Where George was showing a condo when Jerry asked him to join in a stakeout; George was close, so it was no problem, plus he wouldn’t wanted to have missed it (2)

  • The store where Jerry bought his computer from in 1987 is located on 48th street; he has to go down there to get a copy of the receipt for his audit (19)

49th Street Location of the golf shop where Kramer meets the golf pro from the Westchester Country Club; after giving him a Cuban cigar, the pro invites Kramer up for a free round of golf (45)

54th and 6th George boasts to Jerry that “Anywhere in the city I’ll tell you the best public toilet.” Jerry asks, “54th and 6th?” and George tells him, “Sperry Rand Building, 14th floor. Morgan Apparel. Mention my name—she’ll give you the key.” (17)

65th and 10th George boasts to Jerry that “Anywhere in the city I’ll tell you the best public toilet.” Jerry asks, “65th and 10th?” and George says, “Are you kidding? Lincoln Center, Alice Tully Hall, the Met, magnificent facilities.” (17)

84th and Columbus Where Jerry parks his car, but Kramer tells him that it might have been stolen because “I just walked by there, and that car is gone.” Jerry actually just lent the car to George and Elaine so they could go to a flea market (38)

207th Street Kramer is almost mugged on a red A, 207th Street subway train, but is saved by an undercover cop (30)

358 West 44th Street Address of the Improv, the comedy club that Jerry frequently performs at (42)

749 Bleeker Address where Tom Hanks is going to be picked up at 6:00 by the car service that Elaine uses (67)

1324 Amsterdam Avenue, Apartment 4D Address of Antonio, the busboy George believes he got fired (17)

1648 North Las Palmas Address where Kramer is arrested in Los Angeles for being the Smog Strangler; he is staying at the Las Palmas Hotel (41)

8173 Riviera Drive Actual address of the Pocatillos of Long Island (27)

8713 Riviera Drive While driving to pick up Jerry and Elaine on Long Island, Kramer lost the directions to the Pocatillos’ house where they were at; he thought the address was 8713 Riviera Drive, “So I drove around knocking on everybody’s doors that had those numbers. 8317, 7813, 3718, 1837. Finally, I hit it. 8173.” (27)

12145 Ventura Boulevard Location of the payphone Jerry uses in Los Angeles to call the police to inform them that Kramer is not the Smog Strangler; the police try to give Jerry directions but since neither he nor George know where the 101, 170 or 134 are, the police send a black and white to pick them up (41)

By book's end, there will be a veritable atlas within the pages, but for now, just a mere sampling. So that's all for this week. Remember, set those clocks ahead one hour if you haven't already. If you have done so, why not use this time to click the link on the right and get your name in my book. Representative Markey endorses that too.