Thursday, January 25, 2007

The Library Investigator’s Name is Actually Bookman?

Hot diggity! You guys are sure driving that visitor tally up. I don't know at what point I can say that this blog is legit, but it's gotta be close, right? Either way, thanks for everyone who keeps showing up and I hope that you are enjoying the sneak peeks. I am continuing to make strides with the book and news should be coming down the pipeline in the upcoming weeks. Until then, please sit back, relax and enjoy another installment of The Seinfeld Encyclopedia.

Lt. Joe Bookman
Investigations officer for the New York Public Library for 25 years, Jerry’s Tropic of Cancer case gets turned over to him; Kramer is amazed at the name, “The library investigator’s name is actually Bookman?...That’s amazing. That’s like an ice-cream man named Cone.” When Marion the librarian informs Jerry that Mr. Bookman is not in, that he’s out on a case, Kramer is even more amazed, “He’s out on a case? He actually goes out on cases?” Eventually Bookman shows up at Jerry’s apartment and begins lecturing Jerry, “I don’t judge a man by the length of his hair or the kind of music he listens to. Rock was never my bag. But you put on a pair of shoes in the New York Public Library, fella…You’re a comedian. You make people laugh…You think this is all a big joke, don’t ya? ...You think because you’re a celebrity that somehow the law doesn’t apply to you? That you’re above the law? Well, let me tell you something, funny boy. You know that little stamp, the one that says ‘New York Public Library?’ Well, that may not mean anything to you. But that means a lot to me. One whole hell of a lot. …I’ve seen your type before. Flashy, making the scene, flaunting convention. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking: ‘Why’s this guy making such a big stink about old library books?’ Well, let me give you a hint, junior. Maybe we can live without libraries, people like you and me. Maybe. Sure, we’re too old to change the world. But what about that kid sitting down opening a book right now in a branch at the local library and finding drawings of pee-pees and wee-wees in The Cat in the Hat and The Five Chinese Brothers? Doesn’t he deserve better? Look, if you think this is about overdue fines and missing books, you better think again. This is about that kid’s right to read a book without getting his mind warped. Or maybe that turns you on, Seinfeld. Maybe that’s how you get your kicks, you and your good-time buddies. Well, I got a flash for you, joy-boy: Party time is over.” Eventually Jerry realizes that the book was never returned and pays the fine; Bookman tells Jerry, “You better not screw up again, Seinfeld. Because if you do, I’ll be all over you like a pit bull on a poodle.” Jerry then quips, “That is one tough monkey.” (22)

Thus ends another entry. So until next time dear readers, keep on spreading the word and remember to sign up on the right and get your name in the book. You'll be so famous you might as well start looking for better friends right now.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

I’m Not Driving Him to the Airport!

Hey Everybody! Look at that! We have hit the 1000 visit mark and then some. Just shot right by it. Thank you so much for all your help. But you know what they say, all the help in the world is never enough. Someone at some point must have said that. If they haven't, then please start using that phrase with your friends and attribute it to me. But anyway, there is still work to be done. I am trying my best to get this book out there, unfortunately I am running into walls. But never fear. I am on top of things and all will be revealed in due time. I do want to apologize for not updating in awhile, but I got busy, had a little moving to do. So in honor of that, here is the entry for Move. Quite long, so it should last.

Jerry meets Keith Hernandez and they have dinner, but Jerry is soon passed over for Elaine; however, Keith calls up Jerry and asks Jerry to help him move; Elaine asks, “Move what?” and disgusted, Jerry replies, “You know, furniture.” She asks what Jerry said and he says, “I told him yes, but I don’t feel right about it. I mean, I hardly know the guy. That’s a big step in a male relationship. The biggest. That’s like going all the way.” When Kramer hears about it, he says, “What? Well, you hardly know the guy. What a nerve!” Kramer can’t believe that Jerry has already said yes and asks, “Don’t you have any pride or self-respect? I mean, how can you prostitute yourself like this? I mean, what are you gonna do? You gonna start driving him to the airport?” Jerry quickly retorts, “I’m not driving him to the airport!” Jerry then asks that Kramer not mention this to anybody and he replies, “I wish you never mentioned it to me.” When George hears about it, he can’t believe it either, and asks, “He’s got money. Why doesn’t he just pay a mover?” Jerry says, “I don’t know. He’s got some valuable antiques. He’s worried they’ll break something.” Before the move, Keith tells Jerry that he better bring his gloves because it’s freezing out there, and then estimates the length of the move at 4 hours; he explains, “There’s not that much. First we got the bedroom. We got two dressers and the bed.” Jerry asks if there’s a box spring and Keith says, “Yeah, there’s a box spring. But it’s attached to the headboard, and we’ll have to take that apart. Then we got the couch.” Jerry asks if that’s a sectional and Keith replies, “Yeah, 12 pieces. A marble coffee table.” Jerry asks, “Is that a thick marble?” and Keith replies, “3 inches thick. Got it in Italy. But the big problem is gonna be the convertible sofa. You see, when you move it, it tends to open up, so it’s gonna be difficult getting it down the stairs.” Jerry quickly asks, “Stairs? There’s no elevator?” and Keith replies, “No, it’s a brownstone. Three floors.” Jerry then says he can’t do it, “It’s too soon. I don’t know you…I can’t! I just can’t!” However, Newman and Kramer come in and confront Keith about the spitting incident; after he clears his name, both men feel sorry and offer to help Keith move (34)

So thanks again and be sure to sign up on the right and get your name in the book. Takes less than a minute and then you can go back to playing online poker or bidding on that nice pair of pants on eBay.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

What Time Does Your Flight Get In?

Hello once again. Happy New Year everybody! 2007 might be a very big year for all of us if things go as planned. I want to start off by thanking everyone who has stopped by. I really do appreciate it. And I am close to the 1000 visit mark that I initially set when I started this blog. So keep on coming back and let's make that goal a reality.

In yet another sample from the book, here is the entry for the Airport Pickup/Drop-Off. This event is prevalent in the Seinfeld Universe and thus will have many entries by book's end.

Airport Pickup/Drop-off Self-sacrificial favor that shows commitment to a friend or loved one; George drives Jerry to the airport so that he can pickup his potential love interest, Laura (1)

  • George drives Jerry to the airport for his trip to Minneapolis (3)
  • When Jerry’s plane has to make an emergency landing due to a blizzard en route to Buffalo, George picks Jerry up, who really appreciates; George downplays it saying it’s nothing, but Jerry says, “Hey, it’s one thing if I asked you, ‘Could you do me a favor?’…but to suggest it.” George explains, “When you told me what you went through on the plane, it makes you stop and think. You appreciate having a real friend.” George actually just wants to go to Jerry’s apartment to harass an old girlfriend who ruined his shirt and never apologized (15)
  • Elaine borrows Jerry’s car to pick up her “houseguest” Ed, from Seattle, at John F. Kennedy Airport; an excruciating week later, she tries desperately to get him back on time, but gets blocked on Rockaway Boulevard (17)
  • Kramer can’t believe Jerry agreed to help Keith Hernandez move since he hardly knows the guy, and then sarcastically asks, “I mean, how can you prostitute yourself like this? I mean, what are you gonna do? You gonna start driving him to the airport?” Jerry quickly retorts, “I’m not driving him to the airport!” When George hears about the move, he also quips, “The next thing you know, he’s gonna have you driving him to the airport.” Jerry once again repeats his earlier sentiment (34)
  • George picks up Jerry after his flight from Chicago, but George’s car broke down on the way, so the two of them scam a limo ride (35)
  • Jerry picks up his parents from the airport and tells them about how NBC liked his and George’s idea for a series (43)
There we have it. Yet another exciting and hilarious look at my book. Once again, thank you all for checking out this site and hey, if you haven't done it yet, follow the link on the right and get your name in the book. Your name in a book! Impress your friends and bosses. Alright, until next time.